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It's hard to believe it's been 15 years (on June 14/1997) since I looked
up BDSM and spanking on the internet and found a whole new world. It changed
everything for me when I found D/s and TPE (Total power exchange) and even
poly. It was June 1997 when I discovered a part of myself. I stayed up all
night looking at websites for submissive women and bdsm.
I was completely amazed that there was other people out there who enjoyed being spanked! I lived many years feeling ashamed of my desires. It really opened my eyes to a whole new world. I bought the book Different Loving which helped answer a lot of my questions about the bdsm lifestyle.I joined several submissive websites and started doing online bdsm as well as the real thing with Anakin. Those first few weeks were overwhelming in many ways. I know that it really changed things for Anakin and I. We had been living a traditional relationship but not sure of what direction to head next. We read about having a D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationship and were both really interested in that. He became my Dom and started to take more control in our relationship. It was a big surprise to learn that you could have a poly relationship with someone and not be monogamous.We started looking into poly and opened up our relationship to other people. I met Master R and His slave. I also met some other people that helped me figure out what it was all about to be a slave. My best friend, Master Mark was a Pro Dom in LA. We talked a lot in those early days and he helped me to understand it a lot. I am very grateful for that. I miss Master Mark a lot. He passed away a few years ago. Master R also helped me a lot in those early newbie days. R helped to train me and to realize what being a submissive slave was all about. It wasn't easy for me to become a slave. The bedroom stuff was easy. I liked surrendering to His control there. I had the biggest problems submitting to the other stuff outside of the bedroom. They call them the early hell years of D/s for a reason. It was really hard. I wanted to hand over the control but I was still very afraid to trust Anakin. I also had independence and freedom. I wore the pants in my first marriage. I did what I wanted whenever I wanted to. I used to go out to the clubs all night and not come home. This changed when Anakin came into the picture though. He stood up to me and made it clear that He was the boss. He told me that it would be a much different relationship with Him. I didn't want to give up the control though. I wanted to have freedom. I had my own credit card. I didn't want to give it up and fought Him pretty hard on it. I can remember having a really big fight over tuna sandwiches shortly after we became a D/s couple. It seems silly now but it was a pretty serious fight at the time. He wanted me to make Him a tuna sandwich. I was busy doing something else and told Him to go make it himself. He got mad at me and I stomped my feet and got even madder. We both were very angry about it. I started to get stubborn and He got into Darth Mode. I grabbed my purse and left the house and didn't tell Him where I was going. We didn't own a cell phone (my leash now) so He had no clue where I was. I didn't come home until very early in the morning. He was SO pissed off. I got home and He was there on the couch holding onto His belt in His hand. This was the first time I was seriously punished by Him. He spanked me to tears and it took a lot to get all the anger out of me. This was the first time that I remember there being domestic discipline used in our relationship. He made it pretty clear to me that He was the boss. He was my Dom and was making the decisions in our relationship. Things changed again when we became TPE on our wedding day in April 2004. I signed my TPE agreement and that was it. He took total control of me. We became a TPE couple that day. It was not easy to give up total control to Him. It took me 7 years to agree to be His wife and TPE slave. It's been a long process of submission and letting go to become the TPE couple that we are today. It's been worth it though. I feel that my marriage and relationship with Anakin is the strongest that it's ever been! Having a TPE relationship and being poly is very challenging and difficult. It's been a really incredible journey for us though. I have learned a lot about myself along the way. I can't imagine ever going back to being vanilla again. Kink is a very big part of my relationship with Master. It's a part of who I am. I wouldn't want to change anything right now. My life with Anakin is perfect and we are a very strong couple. Our force is strong...
questo post... è per la virtù del titolo.
più che per i specifici contenuti. O la specificità della storia. Dell'esperienza.
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